|"Flotsam and Jetsam"|
| Series 1, Episode 1|
|Broadcast date||25 January 2009|
|Written by||Toby Whithouse|
|Directed by||Toby Haynes|
- "Everything is about to change. And nothing can stop it. This is nature. This is... tectonic plates shifting. And the only thing, this, the only thing you and me get to choose... is which side we're on when it happens."
- ―Herrick details his plans for Vampire world domination.
Flotsam and Jetsam was the first episode of the series, after the pilot, and was broadcast on 25th January 2009.
The episode opens with Annie lying on the floor as blood pools around her head. Her voice-over states the nature of death. Annie died far younger than she was expecting to. Her narration continues as Mitchell - who is a soldier in World War One and is walking through a foggy forest when he comes upon a couple of vampires feeding. Herrick turns to him and bares his fangs. Mitchell wakes up in a pile of other dead bodies; he finds and feels a set of vampire bite marks on his neck. Mitchell is now in modern day, looking at a World War I and II memorial. "For a vampire, death isn't the end; it's the beginning," Annie continues. She explains that at least she was surrounded by her loved ones, unlike Mitchell. She shouts at her family and friends during her funeral wake, but none of them can see her, and she sits on a chair and gives the finger to a couple who walk in to view the apartment. Annie calls it a lonely existence. Mitchell and Lauren have sex right before he feeds off her. He later sits on the floor hitting his head with frustration, with Lauren lying on the bed, drained of blood
"But then there are the ones like George. The ones that should have died." George is lying on the ground with a wound on his shoulder breathing heavily with someone even more wounded dying next to him. George dressed in a hospital gown, slowly disrobes as he enters a forest before transforming into a werewolf, screaming in agony as he does so. George is then in hospital scrubs sitting next to Mitchell. Later, Annie watches from a window as they unload their car before moving in. "So what have we got to look forward to, us refugees? The flotsam and jetsam of death?" Annie asks, "Maybe, if we still deserve such a thing as mercy, we find each other." She watches with a smile as George and Mitchell play around in the kitchen.
A man delivers a pizza and Annie answers the door and the man can see her. She asks him a lot of questions before closing the door. She is so excited that people can now see her, she's happy that a man in a van saw her and called her a slag. She then asks who would like some tea only to have George go on a rant about how she makes so much tea that they have no more clean mugs or tea left, even though she can't even drink it. Mitchell and George head out for work and discuss the full moon which is tonight, meaning he'll be transforming into the werewolf. They discuss this further in the locker room at work; there is an isolation room in the basement that they use. After George leaves, Mitchell notices something funny about one of the security monitors. He seems to know what the problem is.
Seth is standing over one of the patients. Mitchell busts in and Seth informs Mitchell that Herrick wants to improve their recruitment standards from tramps and people who fall asleep on the night bus to people with money and influence. Seth also informs Mitchell that turning Lauren was a good idea because she was easy on the eyes. Mitchell tells him to back away from the patient. Seth goes on about some of the things Mitchell used to do with Herrick - telling him to stop denying his nature. When the vampire unleashes his fangs, Mitchell pulls him away. Seth leaves, asking Mitchell how long it has been since he has fed and that he'll have to do so eventually. George and a blond nurse called Becca are talking, and he stops at a memorial for Lauren. Becca was hired after she died. Mitchell comes up informing George that its almost time and he heads down to the isolation room only to find workers in there. There are renovations for that wing. George turns around and leaves abruptly. Mitchell is having coffee with Becca. She is talking but he can't hear her, all he can hear is her blood pumping; his hand is shaking. She notices but he tells her that he just quit smoking before she quickly asks if he's seeing anyone and would like to go out with her sometime. Before he can answer, George finds him, informs him of the problem and they run off. They are in a car arguing about where they get him out. George is going to run into some random bit of woods and transform but Mitchell wants him to go and do it in the House. George wants to keep it separate and runs off. Running through the forest, George keeps running into people, including a creepy man who asks him what he's running from, before he runs back out trying to find Mitchell who is waiting, worried. George gets into the car just before Mitchell leaves, telling him that he's right.
They burst back into the house and quickly start preparing, closing curtains and turning up the music up. They move all the breakable and valuable stuff up and out of the house. Annie wants to see the transformation and George finally agrees after some convincing from Mitchell who takes the TV and sits outside. Annie, with a vase in hand, stands in the kitchen and watches as George slowly and painfully transforms. She looks first horrified and then sad. After the transformation she peeks her head up and calls to the werewolf by name. It looks at her before growling and lunging. She quickly reappears outside with Mitchell.
When they come in the next morning, George is lying naked on the floor surrounded by the carnage that was once their house furniture. Later he comes downstairs, clothed, to find Annie and Mitchell almost finished cleaning up. There is almost nothing left. Mitchell thinks they have to go to Ikea and is not happy about it. George tells them to go out and he'll finish up because its the least he could do. Annie is very happy and it's because Owen, her ex-fiance and their landlord, is coming round - immediately. He is back from Saudi and wants to meet his longest staying tenants. She has a list of questions she wants to know, including "Are you screwing Janey Harris?" and "Has my sister had a baby?". George thinks this is a terrible idea because Owen knew her, but before they could get into a bigger argument, the doorbell rings. Annie goes upstairs. When Owen asks where the furniture is, George explains that they were going for a more minimalist life. Owen thought they were just redecorating. Annie slips from her perch and thumps her foot down. Mitchell sends George to find out what that sound was. Alone, Owen talks to Mitchell about Annie, her death and what she was like. George comes back and explains the noises Annie made by saying there was a pigeon that he killed with his shoe. Owen leaves.
Herrick is at the hospital and doing magic tricks to a crowd. Mitchell pulls him away and asks what he and his vampires are doing at the hospital. Herrick denies this and asks Mitchell about the rules - who writes them and why do they follow them. As they talk, Mitchell explains why he became a vampire and that was to protect his men in the war. Herrick goes on about how humans have not done a good job of running the world before telling Mitchell that he misses when they hunted together and that people still admire him for that time despite his current attitude. Herrick can't understand why he's on the wagon since being a vampire is like being a shark - you kill to survive. Herrick tells Mitchell that everything is about to change - suggesting that he is planning a global Vampire takeover - and the only thing they have to decide is which side they are on.
George asks Mitchell if he's going to Lauren's memorial service - he doesn't know the cause of her death was Mitchell. Becca comes up and George notices that her shampoo has changed before awkwardly hitting on her. Mitchell notices that George is interested and says he'll help set them up - but George doesn't want it. George asks if Mitchell has seen his phone, but Annie has it and uses it to get Owen to come by the house to fix the tap. George goes to the memorial service and afterwards, when he's washing his hands in an isolated area, Lauren comes up behind him, teasing him and not knowing that George knows about vampires. Lauren is confused when George doesn't scream or weep, before he asks her if Mitchell did this to her. She comes up close and smells him to confirm he is a werewolf before leaving calling it creepy. George confronts Mitchell, punching him, and asking him why he bothers hiding his transformation if Mitchell is not going to try and stop himself from killing and turning their friends. Mitchell tells him that he's not like George - he doesn't have days off, and that he has to kill to survive to which George responds, "What's the point then?". After he stalks off, Becca comes up to Mitchell and asks him to go out for a drink with her and he agrees.
Annie is trying to figure out how to present herself to Owen but when Owen comes in, she can only hide behind the wall. His new girlfriend, Janey, is with him and when Owen stands right in front of Annie, he can't see her. Once Owen's gone to the kitchen to check out the tap, George comes back and is surprised to find them there. It takes him a few seconds to figure out what happened. After Owen leaves, Annie has a breakdown about not being able to have him. She only gets the clothes that she died in. George comforts her, telling her about what happened when he saw his old girlfriend for the first time since he'd left and she was with someone else. He explains that he knows how it feels. Annie asks how he became a werewolf and he explains:
He was on holiday in Scotland, and one night he went out for a walk on the moors near the hotel he was staying at. Another one of the guests from the hotel tagged along. The wolf attacked them, scratched George's shoulder and killed and ate the man he was with, but before it could kill him, two men with a gun chased it off. The other guest died but George survived. He then asks her why Owen couldn't see her and she thinks it was the shock of seeing him - that it made her relapse into invisibility. She wants to know how she compares to Janey and George tells her that she is orange and that Annie is much prettier and nicer to which Annie adds "much deader". Later, George is at the hospital and finds out from a nurse that Mitchell is out on a date with Becca. George rushes off to make sure that Mitchell doesn't kill her. On the date Mitchell and Becca are discussing embarrassing facts about themselves. She asks him how the quitting smoking is going and he tells her that once a smoker always a smoker - what's the point in fighting it. Lauren comes in Becca recognises her but can't say from where. Lauren keeps pushing, wanting Becca to recognise her before Mitchell pulls her outside and tells her that he can save her and that they can run away together. Lauren doesn't want to be saved - she tells him how she wants to kill everyone even her family. Mitchell then thanks her for showing him how much he is not like them.
He goes back into the bar and tells her that he has to leave and she is hurt but eventually accepts an offer to have him walk her to the taxi station, but not before she goes to the toilet. George finds Lauren in the alleyway and she pushes him against the wall, suffocating him before throwing him to the ground. There he sees Becca, her throat has been slit and she is bleeding out onto the ground. Mitchell comes out and finds them like this. Lauren demands that he save her by turning her and George begs him to save her but Mitchell won't. Later at the hospital, George is worried that the murder will be linked from Lauren back to them but Mitchell tells him that vampires have been around for thousands of years - that they have ways of dealing with this. Herrick and Seth are seen talking with the police. As they are leaving, Mitchell gets stopped by Herrick asking him once more to join them but Mitchell declines. Later, while Mitchell is sitting alone on the floor, George is telling Annie how different he now knows Mitchell is from the other vampires. Annie asks George if he thinks Mitchell should have saved her and he tells her that he did save her - by not turning her. George decides that they need to go to the pub, insisting on it, but Annie can't. She can't leave the house - there are monsters outside and she doesn't feel safe. She brings a cup of tea to Mitchell and sits with him. George goes to the sink to clean his bloodied shirt. The man from the woods is standing outside, watching him.
- Smack my Bitch Up, by The Prodigy
- When The Sun Goes Down, by the Arctic Monkeys (2006)
- St Petersburg, by Supergrass, from the album Road to Rouen (2005)
- Wondering, by Dirty Pretty Things, (2006)
- Books From Boxes, by Maxïmo Park (2007)
- Take Her Back, by The Pigeon Detectives, from the album Wait For Me (2007)
- Friendly Ghost, by EELS
- Human, by The Killers
- Hurt, by Johnny Cash
- Annie: Everyone dies. Actually, can I start that again? Everyone deserves a death. I was going to die of old age. That was the plan.
- Annie: So who wants tea?
- George: Ugh.
- Annie: What?
- George: You keep making tea! Every surface is covered with cups of tea and coffee. I go to make myself some tea and I can't! There's no mugs, there's no tea! It's all been made! And you can't even drink it! You can't drink it, but you keep making it! Oh, oh, oh my god, it's driving me INSANE!
- Annie: Oh, well, I like my routine, it makes me feel normal.
- George: You're a ghost!
- Annie: Yeah, OK.
- Mitchell: We've got work and then it's his time of the month.
- Annie: Tell you what, I won't miss that. Used to have to curl up on the sofa, hot water bottle, Pride and Prejudice. Anyone said anything, I'd bite their head off. Gosh, I suppose in your case that is actually quite a possibility, isn't it, you know, biting?
- Seth: What blood type is he - A positive? Bit Jacob's Creek-y for my taste, but there you go...
- Mitchell: I'm sensing a trip to IKEA. [Glares at George] And you know my feelings on that.
- Annie: Owen, your landlord, my fiancé. Ex-fiancé. He's coming round!
- Mitchell: In about... now.
- George: He's coming here? Why?
- Mitchell: He's back from Saudi for a few months and wants to meet us.
- Annie: Well you guys are his longest staying tenants. All the others have er... found it strangely unwelcoming.
- George: [To Mitchell] Didn't you put him off?
- Mitchell: I tried! But she kicked me in the shin. The shin, George!
- Herrick: There is somthing you need to know about Seth. He is an idiot.
- Mitchell: My relationships have always followed the similar patterns. Brief, ... they haven't ended well and that has to change. I can't keep hurting people. I just want something good and normal. But there are those who say I can't do that.
- Herrick(to Mitchell): People admire you. I admire you.
|Being Human BBC Episodes|